Forgiveness
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Now that she too has taken a human life, Buffy changes.


TITLE: Forgiveness  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Now that she too has taken a human life, Buffy changes.  
SPOILER: Consquences, The Prom & Graduation Day, only Graduation Day never happened. Litterally. Does anyone else think this is the most fucked up unproductive thing ever? Just wanted to be sure. Kill the WB. Hate the WB. Anyways, Ascension is over. Angel left right after the prom, but after he heard about Buffy almost dying at the Mayor's hand, he returns to Sunnydale and gets a surprise.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss Whedon does. Perhaps he needs to read our fic though, 'cause he's messed up as far as the lovers on the show go.   
  
  
  
"You can't imagine the price for true evil."   
  
I remember telling her that. Well, I told Faith but she heard. I knew she'd been there the whole time. I didn't consider it snooping so much as I did curiousity. That's what it was - she was curious and worried about me. I don't blame her. Not much scares me, but Faith was not your average Slayer. Not your average human.   
  
I never thought Buffy would be the type to be depressed. I never thought I'd come so close to losing her.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
He entered the library and half expected to find Buffy and Giles poured over some book at the research table. Instead he found Willow alone, a single lamp and the glow from her laptop the only light in the room. Her hair was even shorter now, and she wore a small bang to the side. She pushed some hair behind her ears and that was when she saw him.   
  
"Angel!" she got up and flew at him, hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you came."   
  
"I had to come. Where is she?"   
  
"At home."   
  
"Let's go."   
  
"Wait." she grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the couch. "Before you go looking for her, there's something you need to know."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"You can't imagine the price for true evil."   
  
Angel was right.   
  
I can't.   
  
My mother says I've gone crazy. That the Hellmouth has ruined me. "You were fine until we moved here." That's what she says.   
  
Nothing has ruined me but me.   
  
See this scar on my eye? I got it when I killed Faith. I tried to pull her back onto the ledge after I got the knife from her but it was too late. She was going down, and I wouldn't let go. As a result, we both fell. I fell on top of her, and she broke my fall. She also broke her neck and died. She got death, I got this fuckin' scar.   
  
See these bandages on my wrists? I have all these feelings I can't deal with, and so I did this.   
  
"Do you know what it's like to be that alone?" I ask my empty bedroom. I stare at my stuffed animals for an answer. Of course they don't.   
  
I know I had to kill her. Faith had Giles and she was gonna break his neck. I jabbed her arm with the knife, I had no intentions of killing her, you have to know that. But she stumbled then, and we fell.   
  
The thing is, I think that given the chance, the real chance, I would've killed her. Shot her even.   
Sad, huh?   
  
Everyone says they're proud of me. They say I saved everything. Everyone.   
  
I say I'm a monster.   
  
It's summer now, and Angel's been gone awhile. It hasn't gotten any easier on that front. I've thought of pulling another 'Anne', running away again. Hiding out.   
  
Instead, I fall onto my bed in tears.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
I'm shocked at everything Willow has told me.   
  
My Buffy, depressed, alone, tattooed. She was even wearing Faith's clothes, according to Will.   
  
I can't see it.   
  
"I can't see it," I finally say.   
  
Willow touches my arm. "Maybe you don't want to see it."   
  
I know now why Buffy used to get so damn frustrated with Willow.   
  
She's always right.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
She was suspicious as she entered the school. She knew there was a new car in the lot, one that didn't belong to anyone she knew. It had a certain look too. Mysterious. A black Ford pickup with blacked out windows.   
  
She was suspicious that it belonged to Angel.   
  
Angel.   
  
Why would he be back? she asked herself.   
  
What would possess this?   
  
She stormed down the halls of Sunnydale High to the library and opened the doors sharply, barrelling inside.   
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded when she saw him.   
  
He got a load of her hair, dyed dark brown, her clothes, a pair of blue leather pants and a black tank top. The barb wire tattoo on her arm, the dark color on her lips.   
  
"Who are you?" he asked softly.   
  
"I could ask you the same thing."   
  
"I came back. For you."   
  
"Don't do me any favors." she snarled.   
  
"Buffy..."   
  
"You know, when I needed you, you weren't here."   
  
"Buffy, please, let me--"   
  
"I loved you, and you left me. I can't allow myself to be the kind of person who gives in so easily."   
  
"Perhaps you should."   
  
Buffy whirled around. His arm was in a sling, but he was still the same old Giles.   
  
"Forgiving someone is never easy." he nodded to Angel. "Sometimes you have to forgive to survive."   
  
"I'm fine." Buffy lied. "I'm--"   
  
"Five by five?" Angel asked. "Just because you killed Faith doesn't mean you have to become her."   
  
Buffy didn't know how to take that. "I'm not....I'm...."   
  
"We're losing you Buffy." Willow said. "I don't want to lose you. You don't have to be like Faith."   
  
"What if I want to?" she countered.   
  
"You don't." Angel said. "When you know what you want, I'll be at the mansion."   
  
Buffy watched him go with tears in her eyes. Then she pulled out a stake and ran after him.   
  
  
  
  
***END***  
  
  
  
Don't be mad at me. I'm tired, bitchy, crampy, cranky and other lovely things. I blame men for this. Men run the WB. Men suck. Literally.  



End file.
